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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25701139">Amnesia - Goodnight Irene Post War</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackRabbit/pseuds/BlackRabbit'>BlackRabbit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Goodnight Irene [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MASH (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Multi, Whump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:27:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25701139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackRabbit/pseuds/BlackRabbit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Post War Goodnight Irene. Several months after the war Hawkeye and Irene go to Mill Valley to visit Peg and BJ and celebrate their engagement but an accident causes amnesia that the group struggles with, especially Irene. This is a short fix made up of 13 small parts.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>B. J. Hunnicutt/Peg Hunnicutt, Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Goodnight Irene [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1861669</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Incident</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part I</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“What on earth are you two doing?” Peg asked, shielding her eyes from the midday sun as she looked toward the roof where BJ and Hawkeye were standing.</p><p>“A couple of shingles broke loose in that last storm,” BJ said. “Nothing we can’t fix.”</p><p>“Just be careful up there. Honestly,” she sighed, hands on her hips. “I leave for fifteen minutes to drop Erin off and you’re playing handyman. Don’t you make my little girl grow up without a father.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t dream of it,” BJ smiled down at his wife and gave a little wave when Irene came outside to stand beside her. Hawkeye knelt and started fixing the shingles in place and BJ joined him. “Sorry Hawk,” he said. “I’m sure this isn’t how you planned on celebrating your engagement.”</p><p>“What, are you kidding? How else would I celebrate the most exciting thing that ever happened to me than by climbing up on your roof and tempting death to make sure you don’t have a leaky attic?” Hawk started to nail the shingle in place but the hammer slipped and he smashed his thumb. “Son of a --!”</p><p>“Wrong nail, honey,” Irene called up with a laugh. Hawkeye replied with a sarcastic smile and wave. </p><p>“I have no idea what I’m doing,” he admitted.</p><p>“Here, let me try.” BJ took the hammer and Hawkeye stood, a little too fast. His foot slid on some loose shingles they hadn’t notice and before BJ knew it, his friend was sliding toward the edge of the roof. </p><p>“Hawk!” he yelled, making a grab for him but missing by an inch. </p><p>The sound that followed made BJ sick and he crawled to the edge of the roof to look down, sure his friend was dead. The women knelt beside Hawkeye, panic stricken, but he moved. BJ’s heart nearly beat out of his chest. He dropped his head and let out a sharp breath before climbing down the ladder. </p><p>Hawkeye gasped and groaned, writhing as blood poured from a gash on his head. Irene tried to soothe him and Peg ran to call for an ambulance.</p><p>“Can you hear me?” BJ asked, checking out the wound. It was triage all over again. </p><p>“Yeah I can hear you I’m not deaf,” Hawk gritted his teeth. “But I think I’m dying.”</p><p>“Don’t joke like that,” Irene said and Hawk looked at her, confused. </p><p>BJ noticed the expression and hesitated. Irene didn’t seem to register it. “Do you hurt anywhere else?”</p><p>“Where am I?”</p><p>“You’re in my backyard. In Mill Valley. I need you to tell me where you hurt.”</p><p>“Mill Valley? Wh-what about Korea?”</p><p>“The war’s over, Hawk. It’s been over.” </p><p>Hawkeye glanced at Irene again who had been clinging to his hand for dear life and this time, Irene noticed the blank expression. Her eyes softened and her shoulders dropped before she met BJ’s gaze, her face full of desperation.</p><p>“The ambulance is just a few minutes out,” Peg said. “Is he alright?”</p><p>“He’s… Hawk keep your eyes open for me. Just a little longer, okay?”</p><p>“Oh,” Hawk grinned wearily. “It’s Peg. Yeah… your wife Peg. She’s prettier in person. Y’know, I sent you a letter and I saw the video for your anniversary.”</p><p>Irene stiffened and Peg glanced between them, confused. BJ could see Irene shake as she rested Hawk’s hand on his chest, her own fists balling up her skirt. Hawkeye didn’t seem to notice or grab for her as he would have before. Just how much had he forgotten?<br/> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Forgotten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part II</strong>
</p><p>Hours later in the hospital BJ joined Irene in the waiting room. Peg was still in with Hawkeye, who seemed much better except for his memory. He was having trouble recalling anything that had happened in the past year. BJ sat beside Irene who was turning her engagement ring slowly around her finger. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t imagine feeling what she was feeling now. To have Peg look at him blankly like Hawkeye had looked at Irene. He rested his hand on hers, stopping the fidgeting. It was as if touch pulled her out of a trance and she inhaled sharply.</p><p>“He… doesn’t remember me, does he?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.</p><p>“I’m so sorry.” He gripped her hands firmly. “But these things usually don’t last. He has a severe concussion and a fractured ankle. We got lucky it didn’t do worse.”</p><p>“Do you have any idea how badly I want to be with him right now?” she choked back tears, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. “I just want to talk to him. Touch him. But he doesn’t remember.”</p><p>“But he could. It’s early still and we’re optimistic that he can recover those memories. It’ll take time and gentle prodding, but it’s possible.”</p><p>“I just don’t understand how you can forget you love someone. I understand the concussion. The loss of memory but…”</p><p>“Shh,” BJ pulled her close while she cried. “It’s going to be okay. He’ll remember. I’ll do everything I can to make sure he remembers.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Uncertainty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part III</strong>
</p><p>The hospital released Hawkeye the next morning with strict instructions that would keep him and Irene from returning to Maine. Peg had already set up the spare bedroom for them but instead of a weekend, it looked as though they’d be staying nearly two weeks. Or until Hawkeye was up for travel. He grumbled and griped about how itchy the ankle cast was. Irene remained silent on the way back to the Hunnicutt home. She stared at the palm trees as they passed and wished for Hawk to acknowledge her, but he treated her like a stranger, talking to BJ about the “old days” in Korea and regaling Peg with stories of their pranks.</p><p>Several times Peg and BJ tried to coax him into bringing Irene into the conversation, but Hawkeye only answered awkwardly and then eased into topics pertaining to Korea. Or his father. Peg shot Irene a pitiful expression and Irene replied with a tight-lipped smile.</p><p>“Back to the scene of the crime,” Hawk laughed as they pulled into the driveway. </p><p>The sun was setting over the ocean, the sand between the Hunnicutt’s yard and the water completely untouched. </p><p>“I’m starving,” Hawkeye said as he hopped out of the car, leaning on a crutch and following BJ to the front door. </p><p>Peg stayed behind with Irene, rubbing her back as the two women stood, staring at the vivid colors of sunset. “I’m so sorry, honey. Do you want something to eat? It might help you feel better.”</p><p>“Thanks, but I think I want to be alone for a while.”</p><p>“Well, alright. But don’t stay out too long. It’s getting chilly.”</p><p>Peg kissed Irene’s cheek and went inside, leaving Irene to stand on the cement path to the house. She kicked off her shoes and walked across the yard to where the grass ended and sat on top of the railroad ties that dropped down a couple of feet to the sand below.  She stripped off her stockings and tossed them in the grass before digging her toes in the sand. It was still warm from the late autumn sun, despite the cool breeze coming in off the water. </p><p>She walked down to the edge of the ocean, feeling the sand shift beneath her feet. Everything felt so uncertain. She was standing still and yet the earth still moved out from under her. With the sound of the waves to accompany her, Irene sat in the sand and let the tears flow.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Stranger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part IV</strong>
</p><p>Hawkeye stood at the window toward the back of the house and watched the woman walk toward the water’s edge. She was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes and yet… he drew a blank. His head throbbed when he tried to remember, and he pinched the bridge of his nose.</p><p>She pulled her stocking off and discarded them before hiking up her skirt and walking into the water till it swirled around her ankles. Her hair drifted on the breeze and he felt… nothing. </p><p>BJ came up beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you remembering something?”</p><p>Hawkeye thought for a moment, still staring at the woman, and shook his head. “Who is she?”</p><p>“Her name is Irene. Do you remember Irene? You met her in Korea.”</p><p>His brow furrowed and his head pounded so hard he had to grit his teeth. “I can’t remember. The name… how do I know her?”</p><p>“Hawk… she’s your fiancé. You came here to celebrate your proposal.”</p><p>“Good one Beej,” he laughed, rubbing his eyes. “I’ve never proposed to a girl in my life. At least, not when I ever meant it.” He looked to his friend, expecting to see a twinkle in his eye, but instead there was just disappointment. Hawk’s smile faded. “You’re being serious.”</p><p>“I’m afraid I am,” BJ sighed. “Look, you go sit down and rest. I’ll see if I can get her to come inside.”</p><p>Hawkeye felt dizzy. Engaged? He didn’t even know that woman. Sure, she was cute, but marriage? He plopped down in an overstuffed chair and kneaded the arms nervously. Surely, she couldn’t expect him to marry her when he didn’t know who she was. He didn’t feel anything toward her, but… if he proposed than that meant he had felt something before. Outside BJ walked to the edge of the grass and called to the woman. </p><p>Irene.</p><p>His fiancé.</p><p>A perfect stranger.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Can We Go Back?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part V</strong>
</p><p>“He’s sleeping on the couch,” Peg said as she pulled her skirts to the back of her legs to sit on the steps with Irene. “Doesn’t want to kick you out of the bed and besides, it might not be the best idea for him to be walking upstairs right now.”</p><p>“Right,” Irene sighed, staring at Hawkeye through the stair rails. </p><p>BJ helped him make up the couch and covered him up when he was settled in. </p><p>“Are you going to be alright?” Peg asked, but Irene didn’t know how to respond.</p><p>“I haven’t slept alone but a handful of times since he got back from Korea. I don’t know how—” she swallowed back tears, annoyed at herself for turning into a weeping mess.</p><p>“Let’s get you to bed,” BJ said, holding out his hands for the women to take. He tucked them under each arm and led Irene back to the guest bedroom. “He’ll remember. You just try to get some rest, alright?” He gave Irene a squeeze before going to his room with Peg.</p><p>Alone, Irene stripped off the day’s clothes and opened Hawkeye’s luggage. He’d be wanting it tomorrow. She pulled out his robe and a cardigan and slipped into the soft sweater before tucking the robe away for safekeeping. The sheets were cold against her bare legs and she drew them up close, pulling the sweater up around her ears. It smelled of him. Of their home. Their little apartment in Crabapple Cove where they lived together, worked together, ate, and slept and…</p><p>Irene turned her face to the pillow and wished she were back there. Back to two days ago when they were sleepy in their own bed, warm, and happy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Scars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part VI</strong>
</p><p>Sunrise came and Irene had hardly slept. She tossed and turned all night with dreams. They weren’t the typical war nightmares she had, full of gore and violence. To the contrary, they were quiet. Hawkeye walked away and no matter how fast she ran, she couldn’t catch him. Her legs were heavy, turning to stone with every movement until at last she was consumed by the very earth.</p><p>She grabbed a throw blanket and wrapped it around herself before sneaking downstairs. The first light of day gave her enough illumination to see by, and she stopped at the end of the couch and watched Hawkeye’s sleeping face for a moment before going outside.</p><p>A chill raced up her legs and she clutched the blanket tight and walked across the grass, the dew cold on her bare feet. Sand clung to the moisture as she dropped onto the beach but she didn’t go to the water this time. Instead she sat on the wooden barrier and watched the waves as the sun rose to her back.</p><p>The birds had hardly begun to sing when she heard someone behind her, a long shadow settling beside her before Hawkeye joined her. She glanced up at him, his hair rustling in the ocean breeze. Had things been normal, she’d tell him he was beautiful but…. She looked away, then stood, taking a few steps before turning to face him as he sat down, keeping his cast away from the sand.</p><p>“It’s nice out here,” he said.</p><p>“Yeah. They were lucky to find this place.”</p><p>Hawkeye nodded, glancing at her top to bottom, then back out to the sea. “I think that’s my sweater.”</p><p>Irene chewed her cheek. “It is. You proposed to me in this sweater. Do you remember that? The orchard?”</p><p>His brow furrowed and he winced, touching his head. “No. I know this has to be hard for you. And I’m sorry but, I just don’t remember. It’s crazy. People keep telling me things I should remember, like you, and there’s nothing there. I don’t know what’s real.”</p><p>She took a step forward and he studied her face, but she couldn’t make herself look him in the eye. “You have a scar here,” she said, drawing her fingertips over his shoulder. “from getting shot by a sniper. And here,” she touched his side, “from a bar fight. You tried to break it up and got stabbed with a broken bottle. I was there for that. I thought you’d bleed out before we could get you back to OR.”</p><p>He touched his side when she moved her fingers and looked at her skeptically. She forced a smile. “You don’t remember. I know.”</p><p><br/>His gaze dropped from hers to the sand at her feet. Silence passed between them for a time before he said, “You’re shivering. You should probably go back inside.” He struggled to stand but she kept her distance, biting her lip. </p><p>She watched as he turned his back and just like her dreams, walked away back into the house. He paused in the door, holding the frame to steady himself and she took a step forward, her heart rising with the hope that he did remember, but he only shook his head and disappeared inside. Her shoulders dropped and she turned her back on the house.<br/> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. How Could I Forget?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part VII</strong>
</p><p>She didn’t follow him. </p><p>He peeked through the curtains when he got inside but she was still standing there, her back to him, staring out at the ocean again. It wasn’t that he wasn’t empathetic. He couldn’t imagine loving someone, having a future in mind with them, only to have it erased in an instant. But he also couldn’t pretend to feel or remember what he didn’t.</p><p>Hawk pressed his hand to his side where she touched and clenched his jaw. He had no memory of being stabbed. Or shot, for that matter. He hadn’t noticed the scars at the hospital but he’d been in such a hurry to get out he hadn’t paid any attention. And he trusted BJ. BJ wouldn’t lie to him about being engaged. Not that he thought Irene would have a reason to either it just felt too fucking weird.</p><p>“You’re up early,” Peg said.</p><p>He turned to see her in a thick bathrobe, BJ behind her. “Oh, yeah. I got thirsty is all.”</p><p>“We’re going to make breakfast.”</p><p>“Ah, I am going to make breakfast,” BJ interjected. “You’re the only person I know who can under-cook and burn hash browns.”</p><p>“That is not fair,” Peg said, swatting him. “That happened one time and Irene was as guilty as me.” She started to laugh, then the situation dulled her smile.</p><p>BJ cleared his throat and asked his wife, “Why don’t you go up and get Irene?” </p><p>“She’s outside,” Hawk said, sitting on the couch.</p><p>“My God, she’ll make herself sick out there,” Peg said.</p><p>“Bring her in. Hawk, why don’t you get a shower. You haven’t gotten one since the hospital.”</p><p>“Are you telling me I offend?”</p><p>“I’m telling you we’re not in Korea anymore and there’s no reason for you to smell like Sophie’s stable.” BJ laughed but the smile didn’t touch his eyes. “Think you can make it upstairs?”</p><p>“Oh sure, if I can climb stairs to Franny Smith’s apartment drunk at three in the morning, I can make it with a cast on.” </p><p>“Right… well, it’s up there on the right. Oh, the guest bedroom is on the left at the top of the stairs. Your clothes are in there.”</p><p>Hawk stopped inside the guest bedroom door. Two sets of luggage sat at the end of the bed. One of them he recognized as those his father had given him before the war. The other set he didn’t recognize. He opened his bag, got some clothes, and walked into the bathroom, hurrying when he heard Irene at the bottom of the stairs.</p><p>He listened through the door as she went into the guest bedroom and closed the door. The mirror caught his eye and he saw himself looking back. His hand rested on his side again and he slowly lifted his shirt to reveal a thick white scar that spanned a four-inch section under his ribs. </p><p>There it was. Clear as day. Proof that what she said was true. He leaned against the wall and stared at himself. If he could forget being stabbed, maybe he could forget being in love.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Plan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Part VIII</p><p>Days passed. They should have been home by now, but Hawkeye wasn’t ready to travel. The doctors wanted to keep an eye on him, which was understandable. He’d spoken on the phone with his father to explain why he needed to be gone from work longer, but the call only seemed to distress him. </p><p>BJ assumed it was because Daniel had asked about Irene and Hawk had to explain how bad the head injury was. To say things around the house were tense would be an understatement. Irene tried so hard not to mope and frankly, he didn’t know how she was managing. Every time she tried to interact with Hawk and he gave her an awkward nod or an answer that shut down the conversation, he could see her heart break a little more.</p><p>Hawk was remembering things. Radar leaving. Birthday parties in Korea. Kissing Margaret. The woman and baby on the bus that had tormented him had reared its ugly head once more with nightmares.</p><p>Things were trickling back in little by little but nothing about Irene and BJ was losing hope.</p><p>“Darling?”</p><p>Peg spoke and called BJ back from his thoughts. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tight.</p><p>“Ow, BJ. Not so hard.”</p><p>He loosened his grip but didn’t let go. She let him guide her back to the bed where he sat and pulled her close so her could rest his head on her chest. Her fingers twirled through his hair and she sighed, laying her cheek on the top of his head.</p><p>“I just don’t know what else to do,” he said. “He knows they’re engaged but he doesn’t remember and more than that… he doesn’t feel it. He doesn’t feel anything toward her. That could have been me. I could have fallen off the roof and forgotten you and Erin and I.. I can’t.”</p><p>“It’s heartbreaking to watch and not know how to help,” Peg agreed. “I’m running out of ideas myself.”</p><p>“The only thing I can think to do is keep reminding him and hope something sticks.”</p><p>“What about the records?”</p><p>“Hm?” BJ looked up at her.</p><p>“You know, the ones Hawk gave you when the war was over. You have all his records and I recall you telling me in a letter how Hawk and Irene danced to one.”</p><p>“That’s right,” BJ thought. “I saw them through the door and made sure Charles didn’t bug them. I think it was a Frank Sinatra song but I can’t remember which one.”</p><p>“Well, why don’t we have that engagement party for them anyway? Have a quiet candlelit dinner at home, maybe some dancing in the living room. We can move the coffee table and everything.”</p><p>“We can try but—”</p><p>“BJ, Irene’s already losing hope fast,” Peg said, taking his face in her hands. “We can’t lose hope too or our two friends will forever part ways. I don’t want that to happen and I know you don’t either. As long as Irene is willing to try, we need to try.”<br/> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Pink... That Must Mean Something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>                                                                                                                                             Part IX</strong><br/><br/>Dinner was tense, to say the least. BJ convinced Hawk to look nice, get himself cleaned up and shave. They sat around the dinner table, Irene across from him, her brown curls shimmering in the candlelight. She wore a tea length party dress that was pale pink and softly draped around her collarbones. </p><p>He had to admit, she was beautiful. For a moment he caught himself staring at her lips, tinged pink with lipstick, but it wasn’t a feeling of love that came through him. Just desire, like he’d felt so many times before with so many others. </p><p>At least tonight he’d been able to have a conversation with her. Sort of. More than he had, anyway. He couldn’t say for certain what made him want to distance himself from her. Perhaps because it was expected of him to love her and he simply didn’t feel it. Or maybe it was the guilt. Sometimes she looked at him with so much longing and it hurt that he couldn’t make it better, nor did he know why he had the urge to. He also couldn’t understand why he wanted to reach across the table and make her put the champagne down though he was matching her drink for drink.</p><p>“Why don’t we dance,” Peg said, placing her napkin on the table.</p><p>Before Hawkeye could protest Peg had gone into the living room and the others followed. She was gorgeous in her light blue chiffon dress. The pair of women seemed to float as if they walked on clouds, but Hawk wasn’t sure if that was the light fabric of their dresses or the massive amounts of champagne he’d consumed to ease his nerves.</p><p>Peg and BJ spoke amongst themselves beside the record played and Irene rocked nervously on her heels. </p><p>“Feels like a middle school social all over again,” she tried to joke, but her voice trembled.</p><p>“I liked school socials,” he said.”</p><p>“Well, you’re a great dancer and the girls probably—” she cut herself off but for a brief moment she allowed herself to smile.</p><p>Now that felt… nice. Hawk grinned, but it was short lived. <em>I’ll Never Smile Again</em> filled the room and he felt a twinge of pain behind his eyes. What was this?</p><p>BJ held Peg and the two of them swayed around the living room while Hawk and Irene stood uncomfortably at the edge of the room.</p><p>“We might as well, right?” he asked after a moment and she hesitated but put her hand on his shoulder anyway. He put one arm around her waist and the other took her hand. Instinctively he pulled her close and then he froze. Was his body remembering something he couldn’t? “Sorry if I step on your toes. Not used to having a foot the size of BJ’s.”</p><p>“It’s alright. I’m not a good dancer anyway.”</p><p>“This used to be my record,” Hawk said when silence stifled them again. </p><p>“I know. You had it in Korea.”</p><p>“Yeah… that’s right.” As they moved his head swam and there he was again, staring at her lips. Something… flashes of pink. Soft. “Pink.,” he whispered as the song wound down.</p><p>“What?” There was a spark in her. Hope perhaps? Did pink mean something?”</p><p>“I don’t know I just…nothing,” he shook his head. “I think I should sit down.”</p><p>She tried to hold onto his hand but he pulled away and went toward the other side of the house, trying to escape the pain behind his eyes and the hope he’d mistakenly given her.<br/> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Desperation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part X</strong>
</p><p>Irene grabbed the last bottle of champagne and walked right out the back door, pink chiffon whipping around her legs as a storm blew in from the ocean. She didn’t bother removing her stockings this time as she hopped down to the beach. Her dress caught on a nail and ripped the hem, but she didn’t care. </p><p>The bottle turned up and she wished it was stronger. Anything stronger. So fucking close! She slammed the bottle down on the wooden barrier, her body hot with something new… anger. Why? Why him? Didn’t the sun shine on them just last week? Didn’t he whisper in her ear and kiss her shoulder and touch her face and hold her close and … and… dammit! </p><p>Up with the bottle again and down with a cry of rage lost in the rolling of thunder. Tears streaked makeup down her face but she didn’t bother to wipe them away. Her hand wrapped around a rock and she turned to the ocean, slinging the stone with as much force as she could into the water. How could he pull away?</p><p>Another rock. Another shell. Hands full of sand as if taking her anger out on the water would bring him back but it wasn’t fair! Hadn’t they been through enough? Hadn’t they paid their price? </p><p>Rain started to fall and she ripped the engagement ring from her finger and raised it high over her head, prepared to sling it into the waves as her foot caught on the ripped chiffon of her skirt and sent her to her hands and knees in the surf. All of that rage disappeared, and she clutched the ring tight to her chest. The sky opened and she turned her face toward the heavy rain, letting the roar of thunder drown out her pleas.</p><p>“Give him back!” she cried. “Please just give him back.”</p><p>The begging didn’t stop, even when BJ ran out with a blanket and yanked her from the sand like a child. He wrapped her up tight and she clung to his neck and sobbed as he carried her inside from the downpour. <br/> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Someone to Lean On</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part XI</strong>
</p><p>Upstairs in Peg and BJ’s master bedroom Irene sat on the settee at the end of their bed in dry pajamas. BJ was on the floor in front of her with one of the legs of her satin pj’s rolled up above her knee. Apparently, she’d cut her leg on some glass when she fell in the sand.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Irene said as Peg toweled her hair dry. “I’m so ashamed of how I acted.”</p><p>“Don’t be,” BJ said, dabbing an alcohol-soaked swab to the cut. She winced and he apologized. “I had my fair share of meltdowns in Korea. Being so far from Peg and Erin. There were times I thought I was losing my mind.”</p><p>“We’re sorry it happened the way it did,” Peg said. “If I thought he would have pulled away from you like that, I never would have put that song on.”</p><p>“I thought he remembered. Just for a moment,” Irene said, twisting her ring. </p><p>“Let’s get you to bed, dear.” Peg held Irene’s hands and pulled her up. “You can handle one night without me, right darling?”</p><p>“Of course.” BJ kissed Peg and put away his first aid kit while the women went down the hall to the guest bedroom.</p><p>“You don’t have to stay with me,” Irene said as Peg pulled down the covers.</p><p>“Irene, you came here to celebrate your engagement and the man you love is downstairs while you’re sleeping alone. I toss and turn at night thinking about you in here all by yourself.” Peg climbed into bed and patted the spot beside her.</p><p>Irene laid down next to her and Peg grabbed her hands, putting their foreheads close together. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I try so hard not to let it get to me because I don’t want to be a burden moping around all the time but I feel like I’m living in a nightmare. It’s been a week tomorrow and he still hasn’t remembered me. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.”</p><p>“BJ and I will help you as long as you want us to. You’re no burden. I just want things to work out for you two.” She brushed Irene’s cheek and wiped away a tear. “You’re stronger than you know, love. No matter what happens, BJ and I are here for you.”</p><p>“You’re too good to me.”</p><p>“Shh, sleep now.”</p><p>Irene closed her eyes, warm in bed for the first time in a week. Rain pelted the little window and the storm carried on, but Irene fell asleep, exhausted with Peg’s thumb rubbing her knuckles. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. I'm Sorry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part XII</strong>
</p><p>Hawkeye sat bolt upright on the couch, skin coated in sweat, heart pounding in his throat. He shook all over and his hair stuck to his forehead. What was the nightmare even about? It’d faded when he opened his eyes but there was something. A helicopter. It exploded and he was… fighting against someone. A man was dead and there was… damn he couldn’t remember.</p><p>The clock in the hall chimed two but he was wide awake. He got up and hobbled into the kitchen for a glass of water, taking a glance at the calendar on the wall, each day marked off as it passed. It’d been four days since he’d pulled away from Irene.</p><p>Four days since he’d sat in the bathroom and listened to BJ bring her in from the storm. Her cries hit him like a train. “Please give him back,” she’d begged, and he couldn’t help but ache for her. Again, he couldn’t fathom what she was going through and yet…</p><p>In those four days she stopped looking at him with so much hope. Her stare was empty most of the time. She was giving in and he didn’t blame her. That flash of pink still ran through his mind but when it did his head hurt. </p><p>He rinsed the empty glass and set it on the counter, bracing his hands on the sink. There was something he wanted. Something he didn’t remember or understand but his body craved. It was as if a string tied to his chest and was pulling him upstairs. </p><p>As quietly as he could he walked upstairs, stopping outside the guest room door. It was silent inside. He turned the knob and peeked in. </p><p>Irene was asleep in his sweater, something else familiar beside her. His robe. She’d kicked the blankets off in the night and he smirked. Wait… what was that? He made his way to the side of the bed and studied her form, hidden by his sweater. It was too big for her. </p><p>Hawk reached out to touch her hand but hesitated. What if she woke up? He’d give her hope again when all he wanted was… he wanted to feel her. His brow furrowed and he withdrew his hand. Instead he pulled the robe away from her, thumbing his name on the collar. Captain B.F. Pierce. </p><p>Captain.</p><p>Why did that word stick out? It was too much. He laid the robe over Irene, then pulled the blanket up around her shoulders. </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, and closed the door, retreating to the living room where he wasn’t drowning in guilt.<br/> </p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Part XIII</strong>
</p><p>A knock on the door frame took Irene off guard. She spun around, hand over her heart to see Hawkeye standing in the doorway. </p><p>“I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said.</p><p>“It’s alright. I was lost in thought is all.”</p><p>“BJ said you’re going back to Maine today?” Hawk asked as he shut the door and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling his robe onto his lap. </p><p>“It’s been two weeks,” she said, folding a shirt to put in her bag that sat open at the end of the bed. “Alice agreed to take care of our apartment while we were gone but I can’t expect her to keep the plants alive forever.”</p><p>Hawkeye fidgeted with his robe. “We have an apartment?”</p><p>Irene froze. “Yes. It’s a couple of blocks from the hospital where we both work.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to have my things out before you come back. Alice said I can stay with her for a while and I think I’ll probably go back to the army.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Well, I moved to Crabapple Cove to be with you and that—” she cleared her throat and swallowed. “I was in the army before. I can do it again.”</p><p>Irene glanced up at him, but he was staring at the robe. She’d have to part with it. Part with everything. “I hung your sweater in the closet.”</p><p>“Hm?” he looked up at her, then to the closet. “Oh. Thanks.”</p><p>She zipped up her bag, resting her hands on top of it, eyes drawn to the engagement ring she still wore. She’d cried herself to sleep nearly every night. She’d grieved and begged until her throat was raw and all that was left was a dull, constant ache in her chest. Pressure and yet a void. She’d gotten used to not being able to breathe and wondered if this was how he felt when he thought she was dead. Might as well be now. He wasn’t going to remember.</p><p>“I wish there was something I could do to help,” he said, and she came to stand in front of him. She scrawled something on a piece of paper, pausing after he spoke.</p><p>“Could I… may I kiss you?” she asked, her face burning. </p><p>“You think it’ll help?”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“I guess. If you want.” </p><p>She stood between his knees where he sat on the bed and cupped his face, stroking his hair. She didn’t need to memorize the curve of his jaw or the way he looked at her like such an innocent creature sometimes. It was already ingrained in her. </p><p>He leaned in and let her kiss him, her hands drawing him in and although she poured her love into him, he didn’t respond. No passion. No wrapping his arms around her. No memory at all. </p><p>She’d lost. She rested her forehead against his. </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” he said when she moved away.</p><p>“Here,” she said, grabbing keys from the table.</p><p>Confused he put out his hand. </p><p>“This is the apartment key. I left the address on the bedside table. Like I said, I’ll have my things out before you’re back and I’ll talk to the landlord about letting me out of the lease. This is my ring. I don’t feel right keeping it.” She dropped the two items in her hand, dug in her pocket and gently placed one more thing in his hand before closing his fist around them. Tears burned her throat, but she pushed through. “I have to come to terms with the fact that this future isn’t mine anymore. If you remember, find me.”</p><p>She put the luggage on the floor.</p><p>“What is this?” he asked.</p><p>“What?” she turned, attention settling on the wedding band in his palm. “I know it’s not conventional, but I bought a ring for you. Had it engraved. I can’t take it. I guess it doesn’t matter now what you do with it.”</p><p>She reached for the door handle.</p><p>“You left your fingerprints on my heart,” he read and she stopped. </p><p>She didn’t dare turn around. He was so quiet for so long.</p><p>“You were,” he started tentatively. “in the snow.” He stood. “There was blood everywhere and… a jeep was on fire.”</p><p>Irene faced Hawkeye who still stared at the wedding band but now he stood only a couple of feet away. Her heart leapt into her throat. </p><p>“Your heart stopped and I…”</p><p>“You brought me back,” she choked. </p><p>“Oh God,” he said, tears forming in his eyes as they widened. “Irene.” </p><p>He threw his arms around her, crushing her to his chest as he cried. She couldn’t breathe but she didn’t care. Two weeks of pain turned to relief as she clung to him. </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” he said, showering her cheeks with kisses. “I can’t believe I forgot you. How could I forget? Please just… don’t go. Stay with me.”</p><p>“Always.”</p><p>Hawkeye stroked her hair and studied her face before kissing her, pressing her against the door. He placed another kiss on her forehead and breathed her in. She hung her arms on his, almost afraid to let him go.</p><p>“I put you through hell,” he said. “I can’t erase that look on your face from my mind. How can you ever forgive me?”</p><p>“I already have.” She stretched up to kiss his throat.</p><p>“Here.” He took her hand and slipped her engagement ring on her finger, kissing her fingertips after. “I never want to see this off your finger again.”</p><p>“And I don’t want you to forget me again.”</p><p>“Then I’ll wear mine,” he said, handing his wedding band to her. “I don’t care about the damn paperwork. You are mine and I am yours and I never want to be without you.”<br/>Irene put the ring on his finger and held him for what seemed like hours. That night they drank champagne. They danced. They laughed. They celebrated their future.</p><p> </p>
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